AIleenn ..my self... me....

Its 6.40 am malaysia time and im still cant sleep. I couldnt close my eyes...

I drank a lots lastnite with friends...and now Im a little bit tipsy .. but im still okay to be more okay.. my head hurts ..my hearts bleeding..

I had a very bad day .. it was a very bad for me! well, it was... bad bad bad bad day for me.

Lastnite, I accidentally met my ex bf Stephen with his new girlfriend... and It makes me  feels a little bit uneasy and im not fine..... altho i keep on telling myself im alright..and i should stop my self from thinking about him.. MOV E On aileen!!!! -That's what i have been telling myself! No point of wasting time ...for that AssH**Le*..

I have been thinking ..and thinking and thinking... and im totally blank right now...

On the 2nd of June 2010, i spoken over the phone with my ex bf (Ronny). I did it for the favour of my girl friend Karen, who has asked  me to clear the issue between me and Ronny. And I did as i promised her over the text message. So I called and  spoken to him over the phone. The first conversation whereas i begun with the words "Sorry".. from me

Me :    Hallo

Him :   Yes, do you have anything to tell me?

Me :    Yes I do. "Sorry"

Him :  "You dont have to says sorry to me neither me too."  Even if we are not couple, we still can be friend.

Me  :   Exercuse me... if not because of i promised someone that i would give you a call and settled the issue that we are facing now, do u think i want to talk to you. But whatever your decision is I respect.

Him : You have sacrifice more then i sacrifice for you. Half  of me says "NO" and half of me says "Yes". Im not giving up on LDR -Long Distance Relationship. I told you im willing trying on LDR. Just give me few days to think about it and dont make any decision yet.

Me :  whatever..  I have my decision and i want to hear yours?

Him : You tell me what is your decision?

Me: I want to hear yours.

Him: Give me few more days and i will email you in details.

Me : okay

So after a few days without any decision from him, i decided wrote him an email. Although, i am a bit sad that the relationship isnt working out, for the sake of his happiness, i decided let him go..

Ronny,

  I just wanted to clear the air between us.Thing is... this is how I feel about you.i do like you but i dont know why I just get confuse about my feelings towards you sometimes. Why I get confuse I don’t why…there is no real answers.. it just mixed feelings between people and emotions.

Before i go on... i want to says sorry for whatsoever things that i did in the past and  if  i ever make u unhappy before this, "Im very very sorry" i really dont mean it.
 
I thought that by placing you in my life it will make me forget about stephen, and as time goes by it does work as your position in my heart started to take over his because you were there when ever i needed you and you were there whenever I wanted to talk to someone it makes my heart warm and that i can feel that i am being loved.

I know that in the past you lied to me several times but back then i didnt want to let you know and I pretended i know nothing because i didnt want to cause a arguement between us and also i didnt want to hurt your feelings

 To be honest i never really bothered what social class anyone is in as long as we are all happy together that is the most important thing, much more important then money, I never minded that are you rich or not because in my heart i only wanted your love to me love is something that money cannot buy. i never really cared about what social status you have or had in the past i loved you because of your person and not because of how much money you have. to me money is just another bonus thing in life, it is not the end of the world if a couple is poor as long as they have each other that is what love is all about as long as their heart is together that is the most priceless thing in the world

 All i want is for you to be happy but at the same time i know i cannot be selfish by keeping a guy does not love  me, you are a great guy and i am sure that your future girlfriend will be one of the luckiest girl in the world because you are such a great person,  

so in order to stop the tension string between us the only way out is to go our own separate ways
 
 Anyway, i wish you all the best in life and hope that you could meet the Miss Right  who loves you for who you're and im sure you'll have a happy ending story.
 
 God bless you.
 
Aileen